Discussing all things environmental can be a little draining at times and tends to sap the energy from your body.
So, to give your mind a little recharge, here is my selection of 27 funny environmental quotes to force a smile and fight off the doom and gloom.
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“Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen.”
– Steven Wright
“A sweaty bum crack will become the norm in a climate-changed world.”
– Steven Magee
“Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.”
– David Letterman
“President Bush has a plan (to fight global warming). We can lower the temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
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“One green bottle,
Drop it in the bank.
Ten green bottles,
What a lot we drank.
Heaps of bottles
And yesterday’s a blank.
But we’ll save the planet,
Tinkle, tinkle, clank!”
– Wendy Cope
“Marathon tidying produces a heap of garbage. At this stage, the one disaster that can wreak more havoc than an earthquake is the entrance of that recycling expert who goes by the alias of “mother.”
– Marie Kondo
“I hate the outdoors. To me, the outdoors is where the car is.”
– Will Durst
“One popular new plastic surgery technique is called lip grafting, or ‘fat recycling,’ wherein fat cells are removed from one part of your body that is too large, such as your buttocks, and injected into your lips.
People will then be literally kissing ass.”
– Dave Barry
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“We (bald men) don’t spend all our time shampooing and rinsing our hair. It’s one of the many selfless acts we bald men perform every day to make our world a better place.
The bald also don’t have use for plastic combs or no hairdryers either, so that’s gotta save on electricity. Come on. We have got to go bald – all of us.
Walking around with a full head of hair is like driving an SUV or dumping toxic sludge into a river. It’s irresponsible. Hey, you hair people, shame on you!”
– Larry David
“Why should I care about future generations? What have they ever done for me?”
– Groucho Marx
“Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“Global warming is real – it is man-made, and it is an important problem. But it is not the end of the world.”
– Bjorn Lomborg
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“So how many of you have low-energy light bulbs at home? Oh?
So you’re all like me, when you go in a room, you spend the first few minutes in the dark, wondering what room you’re in, then apologizing ‘cos you’ve pissed all over the duvet.”
– Marcus Brigstocke
“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water a vital ingredient in beer.”
– Dave Barry
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
– Noel Coward
“According to a new U.N. report, the global warming outlook is much worse than originally predicted. Which is pretty bad when they originally predicted it would destroy the planet.”
– Jay Leno
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“Clean coal is a bit like wearing a porous condom – at least the intention was there.”
– Robin Williams
“There’s so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.”
– Lily Tomlin
“Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods, and you’re lost, and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow that path.”
– Ellen DeGeneres
“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
– Dan Quayle
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“If it solved global warming, would you give up the TV remote and go back to carting your fat ass over to the television set every time you wanted to change the channel. If that was the case in America, I think Americans would watch one channel forever.”
– Bill Maher
“If a tree falls in the woods, and there’s no one there to hear it, how will the Environmentalists react?”
– Anonymous (A bit of a cheat, but I like it)
I hope you found the 27 environmental quotes funny, entertaining, and most of all, that they made you smile.
I have a second post that highlights the strange but true type of funny on the environment’s subject. If you liked this, then you should check it out.
In the meantime, here are a few links to related articles.
Cover Image by Alexandra ❤️A life without animals is not worth living❤️ from Pixabay.
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