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27 Funny Quotes About Being Honest That Will Brighten Your Day

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These funny quotes about honesty are observations of life that reflect ironies of what we practice against set against what we preach. 

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. And for everybody else, let’s see how long it takes to recognize yourself within these quotes.

Funny Quotes About Being Honest

“Marriage requires searing honesty at all costs. I learned that from my third wife.”

Alan Arkin

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”

Terry Pratchett

“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny, or they’ll kill you.”

 – Billy Wilder

“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”

 – George Carlin

Funny Quotes About Being Honest

Honesty Movie Quotes

“Me? I’m dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest.

Honestly, it’s the honest ones you have to look out for. Because you can never predict when they’re going to do something stupid.”

  – Jack Sparrow

“Whenever I’m on my computer, I don’t type ‘lol.’ I type ‘lqtm’ – laugh quietly to myself. It’s more honest.”

 – Demetri Martin

“Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure there is one less rascal in the world.”

 – Thomas Carlyle

“The truth is something that burns. It burns off dead wood. And people don’t like having the dead wood burnt off, often because they’re 95 percent dead wood.”

 – Jordan Peterson

“I was really too honest a man to be a politician and live.”

  – Socrates

Funny Quotes About Being Honest

Honesty Movie Quotes

Even a good decision, if made for the wrong reasons, can be a wrong decision.”

 – Weatherby Swann

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”

   – Herm Albright

“Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.”

 – Winston Churchill

“When you’re missing your two front teeth, that’s honesty. That is a door to your oral history. You’re not covering anything up.

You’re saying, ‘Hey world, I’m missing my front teeth. I’m gross; I’m dirty; I’m poor. I clearly have no problem with public urination and eating garbage. Don’t come near me; I’ll gum you to death!”

  – Iliza Shlesinger

“Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.”

 – Walter Kerr

Funny Quotes About Being Honest

Honesty Movie Quotes

She’s safe, just like I promised. She’s all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we’re all men of our word, really. Except for Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman.”

 – Jack Sparrow

“Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he’s talking about.”

Sam Ewing

“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”

 – Erma Bombeck

“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”

 – Margaret Mead

“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.”

 – Erica Jong

Funny Quotes About Being Honest

Honesty Movie Quotes

You like pain?
Try wearing a corset.

 – Elizabeth Swann

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”

 – Craig Marckwardt

“One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.” 

 – Mark Twain

“The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.”

 – Terry Pratchett

“If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely.”

 – George Carlin 

Funny Quotes About Being Honest

Honesty Movie Quotes

“People are easy to search when they’re dead.”

 – Hector Barbossa

“Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you’ll just rattle your jewelry.”

 – John Lennon

“Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.”

 – George Burns

In Summary

I hope these funny quotes relating to honesty have brightened your day and put a smile on your face.

If you are ready to move on to some serious articles or sustainability quotes, please feel free to check out some of my related articles.

A proud father of two boys, an amateur actor, and a green living enthusiast, Mark has been sharing hints, tips, and sustainable living content on his website Sustainability Dad since august 2019.

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